A New Job Opportunity

HR Lady stared at me across the desk. She was trying to size me up, to know what makes me tick. I had explained that I wanted to figure for MegaCorp, which i used to be the right person to fill an edge that had not even been advertised.

"Tell me again why you'd wish to be the official MegaCorp scapegoat," she demanded.

I thought I had explained it tolerably . Every company needs a scapegoat, someone that others can bring forward when the warmth gets hot.

When the Board of Directors grumbles because all the graphs look the wrong way up , the President can call ScapeGoat into the space . Gentlemen, I even have identified our problem. it's all ScapeGoat's fault. He reversed the gravitational equilibrium, and therefore the graphs are not any longer ready to forge their customary ant-gravitational upward paths.

The Board of Directors gets tons less grouchy and that they are ready to enjoy their six course luncheon. That solves the matter of the the wrong way up graphs. a minimum of for an additional month.

When angry shareholders notice that their graphs also are the wrong way up , the President can call ScapeGoat into the space another time . it's all ScapeGoat's fault. it's all ScapeGoat's fault. He reversed the gravitational equilibrium again, and nobody's graph can forge its customary ant-gravitational upward path.

That solves the matter of the the wrong way up graphs for everybody except ScapeGoat's social insurance provider.

When employees want to understand why there's no bonus in their envelopes, the President can launch a full investigation. "We will find where ScapeGoat hid your bonus checks, if it is the last item "> last item we ever do!" and thus the investigation will last long enough that it will be the last item he ever does.

When creditors come calling... It's ScapeGoat's fault.

When the media wants to understand why there are not any women on the Board ... It's ScapeGoat's fault.

When the fish within the creek all float just like the graphs (upside down)... It's ScapeGoat's fault.

When the wind blows too strong on company property and knocks over a can , spilling an employee's drink and making him very thirsty... It's ScapeGoat's fault.

MegaCorp needs a scapegoat.

HR Lady asked another question. "What have you ever ever been doing these past thirty years."

The fact is that I had been freelancing. There are many people that need scapegoats. Drivers, for instance:

"What?!? My fresh car!"

"ScapeGoat crashed it."

"But...but, there's hardly anything left of it!"

"ScapeGoat is extremely thorough."

Parents need scapegoats, too.

"Where's little Cindy? Didn't you choose her up from the babysitter again?"

"Oops. Uh, I forgot. ScapeGoat distracted me."

"I hope you are doing not plan to get distracted tomorrow. If this keeps up, I'll forget what she seems like ."

HR Lady seemed amused. "If you were doing so well as a freelancer, why are you applying for employment here?"

I had to admit that freelancing was getting tough. Too many of us were losing faith.

"ScapeGoat distracted you again?!? that creates , uh...let me see, 6,342 days during a row. Little Cindy isn't that tiny anymore. Just who is that this ScapeGoat person anyway, the Tooth Fairy?"

HR Lady laid her hands on her desk. "MegaCorp has always done quite well without knowledgeable scapegoat. once we need somebody responsible , we will always find someone to play the role."

She wasn't cluing in. i used to be offering MegaCorp the prospect to use knowledgeable scapegoat, rather than constantly counting on amateurs, a number of whom weren't even willing players.

I looked HR Lady straight within the eye. "What will you tell your boss when he finds out that HumongaCorp features knowledgeable scapegoat, and you passed up the prospect to rent one, too? Who will you point the finger at then, an amateur?"